Friday, June 18, 2010

"I write to understand what I'm thinking." -Dr. Verghese

I know I haven't written much lately. At least, not here; on this blog. I finished the second week of chemistry yesterday and am starting to feel incredibly overwhelmed. No-one said it would be easy, but oh dear...this is like trying to scoop up water as it disappears into the sand. There's just so much to learn. And, I put in my two-weeks notice at work. I've been back at Jamba for a little over a year and a half and though it's a huge leap of faith, I'm quitting. I'm going to miss my customers the most, but that's a different post. And, this was the first week having my dad moved out. A college friend took my hand and asked me, "are you okay?" I looked her in the eye and said, "would you think I'm crazy if I said it's a relief?" Though the word coming to mind is "finally", it doesn't make the transition easier, especially when he's bent on making it as complicated and hurtful as he can.

All that to say, I know I haven't written much lately. At least, not here; on this blog. Instead, I've been scribbling out the novel of my life internally. It's one cerebral chapter after another. While observing gaseous chemical reactions in the lab, I mentally jot sentences down. While pouring smoothies and listening to accounts of my customers' days, I silently describe them to myself and store their faces in an archive for me to write about someday. As I sit, and think, and doubt, and plan...I write to myself. To no-one. It feels as though I never stop writing...yet, I realize, in reality, I haven't actually written a single word.

I have a good many things my head. I hope to stop more often the next few days to actually write them down.

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