Monday, March 25, 2013

The world has become a dizzying sphere of slow-motion. It's as if the volume got turned down on life.

Saturday, March 16, 2013


The night is dark, the moon a tiny sliver in a dense blanket of fog. There are no stars and even the wind is still. The ocean mist that has settled on the campus suppresses sound itself, a fitting phenomenon to accompany finals week.

It's a few minutes past midnight and every part of me wants to wrap myself in a cozy blanket and trek down to the cliffs looking over the sea. I'm aching to hear the waves crash, breathe deeply the soothing smell of seaweed and salt, and let my mind empty in the quietness of an isolated shore. But it's cold. So here I sit instead. Wrapped in a cozy blanket, watching my facebook messages for a response I've looked for all day long.

I'm struggling with things I don't know how to put into words. I don't know how to explain or articulate them, but multiple things have weighed on my mind the last week. I feel uneasy. I've written paragraphs trying to discover what my heart and mind are trying to say, but in vain; I just erase the cacophony of words when it's past 1am. It's a series of notes on a theme, a theme of life, of purpose, of hope, and of great limitations and perceived inadequacies.

I want to engage, I want to talk, I want to rant and dream and criticize and wonder and scream and listen and see. I want to take the world by the shoulders and shake it beyond measure, and watch the great beauty and misery come pouring out of the tectonic fissures and stream through my hands. Like a beast straining against its chains, there's a deep and simmering passion within me that's aching to find a place, find an outlet, a reason. I want to wonder out-loud without being labeled or judged. I want to advocate for change without my efforts being denounced as a "savior complex" borne out of white-man's guilt. I want to run to the cliffs and breathe, breathe deep and fast and gasp and taste and be fully, painfully, marvelously alive.

But the night is dark, the moon a tiny sliver in a dense blanket of fog. There are no stars and even the wind is still. 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


...are my favorite.


It's an exciting time at UC San Diego right now. Admission decisions are going out and high-school seniors' lives are being changed. For the past week, we College Ambassadors have rotated spending four hours a night calling admitted students to congratulate them and the reward is sometimes overwhelming:

"Is this a prank? Are you sure it's not a prank?"
"I'm literally in disbelief. This is THE UCSD?"
"OH MY GOD REALLY!? Wait, are you kidding? No!?"
"You made my day, thank you so much."
"God bless you, whoever you are!"

They're so happy, so excited, giddy with surprise and disbelief. I adore being the voice in the phone delivering the news. They've worked hard, they've gotten the grades, anxiously waited...and now I get to tell them they've made it. I spent nearly 45 minutes with one admitted student, Ava, who is interested in majoring in International Studies, wants to do humanitarian work, and wanted to know everything about refugees in San Diego. Somehow, we ended up having a deep conversation about the importance of keeping humanity in mind throughout our college career. How it's so easy to get tied up in the theory and complications and cynicism that you lose sight of the very real people you care so much about. In pursuit of the answer, you can't lose sight of the people you're trying to help. It was refreshing and inspiring and I finished the call excited about life, my future, and the passionate young woman who shared her heart with me. She's going places, she'll do something beautiful someday. 

It's exciting to think about who the next generation of students will be.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Green Eyes

One of the perks of going to Jordan is visiting the Dead Sea. And one of the perks of visiting the Dead Sea is that you have magical mud for months afterwards. The mud has all the minerals and salts from the Dead Sea and is legendary for its healing and age-defying powers. Apparently even Cleopatra took advantage of its beautifying properties (what I'm implying is that I'm about to be gorgeous). You can read all about it here.

So tonight, after grading papers, reading papers and writing papers...I'm tapping into said age-defying powers and having a grand old time laughing at myself in the process. Me, myself and I tonight. We're quite the amusing trio, let me tell you.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Sugar guilt

I just sat and ate almost an entire bag of chocolate covered almonds. Good god.

So now I'm lying on the floor doing crunches until I can't breath.

Because my stomach makes cooler noises when it's flat and not fatty.