Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Trust

Met up with a new friend for coffee today. Our conversation went deep fast and it was refreshing to be real with someone, finally. And yet, I continually frustrate myself. I can't talk about myself without falling apart. I can't talk about my frustrations or feelings without melting into a teary mess - what the hell. There are certain dangerous buzzwords that as soon as I say them, all self-control dissolves. It's like a cap over a volcano; all is well until you puncture the seal and then hot, molten anger and bitterness gushes out.

Why is this still so hard? Why am I still not over it?

It's so much easier to ignore it, not talk about it, just smile and move on. Out of sight, out of mind. Can we just not talk about me? Let's talk about you; I'll comfort you, encourage you, bolster you, advise you, hug you, cry with you, laugh with you...but lets please not talk about me.

2 comments:

Mary: said...

Life has been so intense for you. I'm praying for peace and healing for all of us. Muchos besos, abrazos y cariños, preciosa. Kudos por ser tan transparente.

funnyortragic said...

hhhmmmm. Friendship is reciprocal, chica. But no one ever said you have to start off with secrets and confessions. Way to put pressure on yourself! And it isn't hardship and secrets that compiles who you are...which I *know* you know.

But if you DID want to confess to someone who wouldn't even blink at tears or a squeaky voice, you can give me your secrets. Specifically, your social security number, bank account codes and passwords. I promise, i won't judge you at ALL. No, don't thank me.