Saturday, January 15, 2011


How do you move forward in an efficient and productive way when you don’t know what you’re doing? How do you save money and push forward in the best possible way when your heart and mind are swimming with questions and doubt? How do you pursue the unknown?

How? How do you know? How do you what to do?

I am so confused and so frustrated and so....unsure. I am at a point in my life when I have to make important decisions, transfer to bigger schools, choose majors and degrees and career paths, and I just wish I could pause time, have a coffee date with God and just ask Him, “what the heck!?”.

I’m torn. I’m stuck. I’m so very confused and so very full of doubt.

I have to believe that God’s mercy and grace are new every morning. I have to trust that He has a plan and though I don’t know what to do or how to plan, if I’m living according to His plan, it doesn’t matter if I don’t see clearly. But I really want to know. I can’t afford to make a mistake. I really want a plan.

It’s letting go. Trusting. Stepping out in blind faith.

Oh Lord, don’t let me fall.


Juliet SN said...

*hug* I'm praying for you, querida. I know exactly how you feel. Remember, He has plans that are greater and more glorious than we can ever imagine - even (especially?) when we can't see those plans. Love you, Risa!

Anne with an "e" said...

I definitely sympathize with this sentiment! I'm transferring to CSUS this Fall, and yet I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing..Which is so scary when so much is at stake. The older I get, the more weight-filled my decisions become. It feels like I'm frozen in place sometimes because I just "don't know", but at the same time it's like I'm being pushed to the edge of the cliff (doesn't it feel like life is reaching a climax?) so that I'm forced to either fall or fly. Sometimes I feel like I missed something..Like there was some kind of "transitional" time period that I missed out on--like my life jumped from "child" to "adult", and it doesn't seem fair.

Anyway, I only say that to mean "I know how you feel". But God holds our lives in our hands, and He'll guide our way if we trust Him--even if it isn't revealed by a bright light shinning out of heaven. Seek ye first.. :)

By the way, I've been sort of "lurking" around your blog and enjoying your posts, keep writing, I enjoy reading them!

Risa said...

Juliet: Thanks for your words of encouragement. *hugs back*. And thank you for your prayers....te quiero un monton.

Anne: You captured my feelings exactly. There seems to be so much pressure on our decisions at this point in our lives. Oof. So hard. CSUS? That’s right in my backyard! We should meet up for a coffee date or something when you get here. :)

Anne with an "e" said...

I would love that! I'm going to both Sac City and American River right now, and Sac State is within walking distance to my house..So we practically share the same backyard :)

Actually, I think we sort of know each other..I forget how I found your blog, but it must have been through a string of friends' pages, cause I was homeschooled all through High School and was involved in SCOPE and everything, and my brother took a Spanish class for awhile from your mom I think. The world's pretty small :)