True Colors - Chaya

I'm gasping for air now inside of these waters

I feel the tide pulling me so far down

I thought maybe someday I'd have it together

But I learned the hard way never to trust myself

I look picture perfect till I let my hair down

And then you will see how far I've gone away.

Well maybe disaster is all that describes me,

But my mama told me your hope is never out of reach

So I'm reaching out

Lord I need you know

Cause lately I stick to the small talk and breathe conversation

So none of my colors ever will slip out.

Cause God forbid they see its hard enough for me

Just knowing that you see everything

Yet you love me

True colors and all

Cause you died for me

In spite of me

And you know this pain that comes along with loving me

And all my flaws cannot erase a love like this

Well I'm only happy when I know you're with me

What makes it so hard to get this through my head?

Senior Prank

Wikipedia defines it as: "a type of organized prank pulled by the senior class of a school, college, or university to cause chaos throughout the institution. The pranks are usually carried out at the end of the senior school year as a going away mark on the school, and in some cases have become something of a tradition. The pranks are often planned out very well before they are actually done in order to work out details such as not being caught or blamed for the disruption they cause. Often these are harmless and more often hilarious pranks...."

I have the *best* idea for a senior prank at ARC and I'm dying to carry it through. It'd take some planning and some stealth, but it'd be brilliant.

After being there for 5 years, I think ARC deserves a final good-bye token of appreciation. :)

Reading by the Shore

Bureaucracy

The crisis has been brought on by a deadly combination of severe drought, with no rain in the region for two years, a huge spike in food prices and a brutal civil war in Somalia, where it is too dangerous for aid workers to operate.

Melissa Fleming, a United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) spokeswoman, agreed. ''The drought, compounded by prevailing violence in southern and central parts of the country, is turning one of the world's worst humanitarian crises into a human tragedy of unimaginable proportions."

http://abcnews.go.com/International/somalia-drought-largest-humanitarian-crises-decades/story?id=14088488

Up to 2,000 Somali refugees are crossing the border into Ethiopia every day, UNHCR said. Thousands of families arrive in poor conditions often after walking for days in search of food.

Guterres said the influx is overwhelming for UNHCR and other international and local aid organizations: "Nothing can compare to what we have seen this month."

"I believe Somalia represents the worst humanitarian disaster in the world," he said.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/10/somalia-drought-worst-humanitarian-crisis-_n_894072.html

Somalia’s agriculture is collapsing as the war-torn East African nation faces a drought that might cause the deaths of as many as 2.5 million people, Prime Minister Mohamed Abdullahi Mohamed said today.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-01-14/somalia-drought-might-kill-2-5-million-prime-minister-says.html

The three camps – Dagahaley, Hagadera and Ifo – known collectively as the ‘largest refugee camp in the world’ – were established 20 years ago to house up to 90,000 people escaping violence and civil war in Somalia. With no end to the conflict in sight, there are now more than 350,0003 people crowded into the camps’ perimeters, while the number of new arrivals is surging. Thirty-thousand men, women and children are stranded in the desert of northeastern Kenya, in what has rapidly become a humanitarian emergency.

http://www.msf.org/msf/articles/2011/06/dadaab-kenya-no-way-in---the-biggest-refugee-camp-in-the-world-is-full.cfm

Thanks to a gnarl of red tape between the State and Treasury departments, it’s currently illegal for America to provide southern Somalia so much as a cup of rice or a bag of corn, due to the vagaries of an ill-defined law against providing material support to terrorists. People starve as a result of economics and politics. Food serves as a weapon, particularly in Somalia, which has had no government to speak of for the past 20 years, longer than any other country on earth.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/07/17/somalia-drought-the-law-that-is-preventing-u-s-aid.html

"Unless this legal impasse is cleared, nearly 3 million people facing famine are likely to starve."

Grace

I tend to be hyper critical of myself. It's easy for me to over analyze and doubt my decisions, words, and actions. I constantly try to see various choices from multiple perspectives and with differing outcomes - creating a dizzying swirl of thoughts and split-second evaluations.

I sit here, a midnight breeze rustles through the trees, and I wish lots of things. I wish I knew more. About life, about politics, about music, about language, about myself, about people. I wish I had more time to be still and soak up information like a sponge. I wish I could go to sleep with a book and absorb its contents through osmosis. I wish I could pause time so I could walk the world's ghost town and look at everything....notice details, see the invisible.

But life doesn't pause and my knowledge is finite. I suppose that's

what makes learning so addicting. I am constantly amazed and humbled by the incredible amount I don't know. On so many levels.

Photo week

My life right now revolves around work and photography, it's kinda great.

I had a photoshoot on Sunday night that resulted in this:

Yesterday, Sara and I had an awesome black-eye shoot:

Saturday, a group of us photo-geeks are going to Preston Castle to shoot in the old, gothic towers.

And Sunday we're doing a night shoot in an old abandoned shack I found.

I love this week. It feels like my camera's glued to my hand. :)

Re-discovered Essay

Irish writer and poet Oscar Wilde once wrote, “One’s real life is often the life that one does not lead.” As I make enormous decisions in terms of which major, degree and career to pursue, this quote caused me to pause. Am I truly following my heart? Am I leading the life I can call my own?

One of my greatest fears is to find myself trapped, enslaved in an existence I regret. I’ll admit that I am terrified of reaching 50 and being disappointed in myself; dismayed by the people I didn’t meet, by the places I didn’t go, and by the problems I could have solved, but didn’t.

I believe the world can be a daunting and overwhelming place, and it is easy to want to take the “easy” route, choose a safe career and live a sheltered life. And yet, by looking at some of the great people of our time, the immense value in following your heart is exemplified. Take Madame Curie, the influential physicist and chemist who, despite social norms against women in science, discovered two elements, created the theory of radioactivity, and won two Nobel Prizes - the only woman to ever do so. Her discoveries were revolutionizing and continue to impact science today. I am emboldened to continue on my quest for my “real life”; a life in which I follow my passions and dreams, a life in which I can be an advocate for change, a life in which I make a difference.

Extrapersonal memories

The night air is cool and refreshing after another simmering day. The sprinklers patter on the sidewalk; a sound reminiscent of rain, seemingly so long ago. A solitary cricket keeps me company tonight, his rhythmic chirping lulls my mind into quiet thought.

I've watched a lot of movies these past few weeks. From classics like Annie Hall and The Blues Brothers, to comedies like Due Date and No Strings Attached. I've smiled at the dry humor of Rushmore, been inspired to try wine-tasting after Sideways, and wrote a letter after the French film Beautiful Lies. There's something exciting about movies, even the slower paced ones; they're a window into someone's mind, someone's life, someone's feelings...someone's eyes.

The ancient Roman historian Livy once wrote that, "the study of history is the best medicine for a sick mind, for in history you have a record of the infinite variety of human experiences plainly set out for all to see; and in that record you can find yourself and your country both examples and warnings; fine things to take as models , base things rotten through and through , to avoid." While films are not historical events, I find them similarly fascinating in learning and living vicariously through others, something our society thrives upon.

American pop culture is a testament to the lives we wish we led. Fashion is guided by celebrities' wardrobes, slang is derived from TEEN magazine, cliques are formed by which TV shows we watch (try Bones vs. Family Guy), and Katy Perry describes how summer should feel.

I watch movies and can't help but wonder, 'would I have done that? What would I have said? That's something I could try...', etc. I watch a scene unfold and suddenly I have a new memory. Not a personal memory, this is true, but a theoretical cause and effect have definitely been noted. This leads me to wonder, what are the effects of extrapersonal experiences on a an individual's psyche? How do your observations affect you?

UCSD

There's a facebook page (it's not really a "page", it's more like "world" with literally thousands of mini-pages) for UCSD transfer students and I've spent the last hour or so getting more and more excited.

I've networked with other IR-sociology majors who are stressing about the same things, hoping for the same goals, nervous about similar obstacles, and flipping out about our amazing opportunities. It's so cool to know I'm not the only one thinking what I'm thinking. It's so exciting finding out about the best cafes, top wi-fi hubs, favorite hang-out spots, and best places to access free printers. I can't wait to be there. I'm beyond excited.

The energy is going to keep me floating for dayyyyyyyyys.

Ringside Doctor

There should be a movie made about this man. It would be brilliant.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/05/sports/when-bell-sounds-surgeon-answers-ringside-calling.html?_r=1&hp

Slowly, but surely

I'm becoming a health nut.

My grocery list: tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, berries, tuna, corn, probiotic yogurt, soymilk, pineapples, whole-grain blueberry waffles, cold cereal, a coconut, fresh fruit juice, beer, cheese, and black beans.

My morning: Jefferson Airplane, a towel by the pool, and a million crunches, reverse curls, push-ups, planks and roll-ups. I'm already super sore.

Good morning, beautiful day.

There is a post in my mind that refuses to be put into words. Emotions too difficult to collect and compose. There comes a point where translation from psyche to the written word is impossible.