Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day..." - Charles R. Swindoll

It's all about choosing to see the beauty in life. Choosing to notice the little details. Choosing to smile. Choosing to stay positive. Choosing to encourage someone. Choosing to look for the happiness waiting to be found.

It's there. Choose it. Life's way too short not to.

Lexiophile

I really love words. I love their complexities, their subtleties...even the way certain words sound. More than that, though, I love people who can deftly use them. Give me someone with a vocabulary and I could listen for hours.

And so, here I am at 1:30am and all I want is to curl up with hot cocoa and Cyrano de Bergerac. I'm seriously debating it...

**Where I ended up instead

Dreams

When I was 14, my grandfather read me Don Quixote's The Impossible Dream. He challenged me to dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe, to try when my arms grow too weary, to right the unrightable wrong. We'd play chess and he would patiently listen to my adolescent ramblings; things I thought about, problems I wanted to solve, careers I wanted to try. He'd show me pictures of Europe or tell me stories from when he'd been "all over the world". He gets excited about the vibrancy of life and the wonders waiting to be discovered. To this day, he continues to look me in the eye and urge me to reach far, have goals, be someone....dream.

This last spring, my friend was our JC's student valedictorian. Surrounded by hundreds of caps and gowns, weepy relatives, and elated students about to transfer to universities of their own, his voice carried over the loudspeakers encouraging us to dream. Calling out to his fellow graduates, fellow "keepers of the dream", he entreated us to own it....be brave...remember what we'd learned and do the most with the opportunities we are given. Dreams can be frightening and daunting, but something we must pursue with confidence. "Keepers of the dream", he challenged, "now is our time."

And today, sitting in class at UCSD, we analyzed socio-cultural anthropologist Appadurai's theory of Capacity to Aspire. He argues that impoverished people need their voices to be heard. That development discourse should revolve around the opinions and needs of the people in question...not the agendas or wallets of international organizations and companies. When given a voice, when given the opportunity to envision a future for themselves and their descendants, the destitute can finally dream. So often, the Western world doesn't realize how incredibly fortunate they are to be able to dream, to aspire, to imagine and innovate. When every moment is not dedicated to basic survival, we can enjoy the luxury of "what if". I, for one, had definitely taken this for granted.

Dreams are powerful tools. They are also a privilege. And since we have the freedom to dream....let's dream big.

Wednesday

*Just* when I was feeling super lonely and forgotten down here in SD....500 miles away from everyone I miss and love:

I got a box of pure happiness! Full of chocolate! FULL of chocolate.

I literally laughed out-loud when I opened it up. My day/week/month has been made. Call me easily delighted. Whatever.

:D

All better.

Midterms

Ta da! This, amigos, is how I think. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. Meet the multi-tasking queen; no amount of papers can daunt me. Bring on the midterms! All freaking four of them. On the same day.

Thiiiiiis, is more how I feel.

There's so much to do it's gonna eat me up like Jonah and the whale. Gulp. Crunch. Swallow. Maybe if I just stare at the question and mumble smart sounding words my paper will write itself. Doesn't ice-cream help brain function?...in fact, I'm sure baking increases your chances of brilliance. And baking peanut-butter chocolate cookies is certainly fool-proof.

So here I am, with a plate of warm chocolate peanut-butter cookies....and a stack of books so high I'm gonna need an oxygen tank. Meep.

I'm just ferocious. Rawr.

Sunday

...will be beautiful. :)

Trust

Met up with a new friend for coffee today. Our conversation went deep fast and it was refreshing to be real with someone, finally. And yet, I continually frustrate myself. I can't talk about myself without falling apart. I can't talk about my frustrations or feelings without melting into a teary mess - what the hell. There are certain dangerous buzzwords that as soon as I say them, all self-control dissolves. It's like a cap over a volcano; all is well until you puncture the seal and then hot, molten anger and bitterness gushes out.

Why is this still so hard? Why am I still not over it?

It's so much easier to ignore it, not talk about it, just smile and move on. Out of sight, out of mind. Can we just not talk about me? Let's talk about you; I'll comfort you, encourage you, bolster you, advise you, hug you, cry with you, laugh with you...but lets please not talk about me.